Don’t be shocked, but Columbus didn’t discover America. How we look at Columbus Day has changed over the years. In 1492, a man who never realized that he had not found a route to India changed the future of our world forever. His voyage began the recognition of the Americas by Europe. That is something worth celebrating. Which revision would best improve Alison’s thesis statement (claim)?
Today, Columbus Day should be a holiday because his discovery made America what it is today.
I think we should celebrate Columbus Day because his discovery brought other Europeans to America, those adventurers created new cities and states, and schools can enjoy the holiday as a day off.
Columbus Day should be a holiday because his discovery brought other Europeans to America, those adventurers created new cities and states, and schools can enjoy the holiday as a day off.
That is something worth celebrating because his discovery made America a country and brought other Europeans to settle here.
Because of Columbus, other Europeans started coming to the New World. The Spanish conquistadors came searching for gold. They brought with them their Christian faith and their language. Would Latin America be Latin, if it wasn’t for Columbus? Which revision would help Alison to make sure she includes only relevant examples and facts?
She should delete the question, “Would Latin America be Latin, if it wasn’t for Columbus?”
She should change the question, “Would Latin America be Latin, if it wasn’t for Columbus?” to evidence: “Columbus was the founder of the first permanent European settlement in the New World” (The Holiday Blogger 4).
She should change the question, “Would Latin America be Latin, if it wasn’t for Columbus?” to evidence: “Many believe that Vikings started a colony on Newfoundland, Canada, hundreds of years before Columbus arrived in the Caribbean” (The Holiday Blogger 4).
She should change the question “Would Latin America be Latin, if it wasn’t for Columbus?” into a statement: “Latin America would not even be Latin if it wasn’t for Columbus.”
Later, settlers came for a better life and greater freedom, a fresh start in a new place. Jamestown, Plymouth Rock, and even New York were settled because of interest sparked by Columbus’ travels. The people who came brought their hopes, dreams, skills, and knowledge. They established colonies, which became villages, which grew into towns and cities. New York might be a different place today if Columbus had never sailed. What grammar change should be made in this paragraph?
The first sentence is a run-on sentence.
The possessive use of Columbus (Columbus’ travels) should be Columbus’s travels.
The comma rule of using commas in a series is incorrectly applied to the city names: Jamestown, Plymouth Rock, and even New York.
The last sentence should have a question mark instead of a period. That Columbus day is a school holiday is another reason for celebration. We really have too many school days, and a nice three day weekend in October is really appreciated. Since we don’t get a day off for Halloween, Columbus day is a fair trade.
How can Alison best include transitions to improve the underlined sentences above? Choose TWO words or phrases that would best connect this paragraph to the rest of the essay.
Next,
Additionally,
In contrast,
However,
Which revision best reflects a way Alison could use a more formal style in her essay?
Change the paragraph to say, “Celebrating Columbus day as a school holiday would be another reason for celebration. Students really have too many school days, and a nice three day weekend in October would be really appreciated. Since most schools don’t take a day off for Halloween, Columbus day is a fair trade.”
