Question

Read the paraphrase of the story Henrique wrote.

The soldiers walked through the rain as they approached the canyon. They’d been traveling for days to reach the dragon’s lair. Finally they arrived. Then the dragon approached, and it roared. Yet, the soldiers faced off with the dragon, despite the noise.

Which is the best critique explaining why Henrique should revise the paraphrase?

Henrique needs to change the sequence of events to be in a logical order.
Henrique needs to add some descriptive language to make the story come alive.
Henrique needs to add some dialogue to make the point of view consistent.
Henrique needs to change the point of view to make the sequence clearer.

Answer 1

Second option. “Henrique needs to add some descriptive language to make the story come alive”

Answer 2

Answer:

Henrique needs to add some descriptive language to make the story come alive.

Explanation:

As you read, "Yet, the soldiers faced off with the dragon, despite the noise."

It shows that the text is missing some sensory detail. If Henrique explained more detailed, it would have more action and would hook the readers. For example, where it said, "Yet, the soldiers faced off with the dragon, despite the noise." It would be more attractive with something like, "Yet, the soldiers faced off with the dragon, and with a fierce heart, they fought, despite the noise."

Furthermore, Henrique said "The soldiers walked through the rain as they approached the canyon.", which missed some essential info; "The soldiers walked through the rain with brave souls as they approached the canyon." If Henrique added something like that, I would interestingly engage the reader. As I already said, the lack of sensory detail makes a story bland, not worth the time. Like when Henrique said, "Then the dragon approached, and it roared." It lacks descriptive information to make the story seem real. If Henrique included phrases like, "with a breath of flames" or "fire filled the dragon's eyes, therefore, making it roar."