From this story we can choose the next portions:
“One sky, towards which we sometimes lift our eyes.” you can change lift to elevate cuase is more understandable
“we head home, through the gloss of rain or weight of snow.”
lets change through to admist which seems a better expression
“Or the impossible vocabulary of sorrow that won’t explain,” I changed impossible to unreachable cause it fits better.
“Who couldn’t give you what you wanted.” You can change wanted to recieved. to denote the complete action of a gitf given
"My face, your face, millions of faces in morning's mirrors,
each one yawning to life, crescendoing into our day" change crescendoing for uplift to do it more understandable
