How should Kirsten revise the email to improve the
organization of ideas?
Subject: Water Issue in Lower Dauphin County
Dear Senator Thomas,
Thank you for your hard work on behalf of the citizens of
our community. The purpose of this email is to bring the
issue of water quality to your attention. A state
commission could investigate this issue, document
problems, and suggest solutions if necessary.
Several citizens in Lower Dauphin County have reported
discolored water and foul smells coming from their
faucets. Personal water quality tests have found elevated
levels of lead in the water. Local officials have refused to
do further testing.
I did some research on the pipes in the area, and I could
not believe that they were so old! Some of them were
installed in 1910! I bet they are leaking lead! Further,
there have been complaints that a local welding company
may be dumping metals into the Choctaw River. The
company denied this to a local journalist.
by stating the solution of appointing a commission
after stating the problems
3 by writing in the last sentence that local officials
have refused to do testing, for emphasis
O by putting the reference to discolored water in the
first sentence to get the reader's attention
O by moving the complaints about the welding
company to the first sentence for emphasis
