It's a kinda long poem and needs some work...

Innocence

What happened?
What happened to me?
I was so easy to read,
Only seven years old and so naive.

I was fine,
In this little room of mine.
Cozy as heII,
Hidden from real life
Wrapped in blankets,
That covered my eyes.

But one day,
The door opened.
The darkness slipped in,
And gently caressed my hand.
The darkness took me by the hand,
It led me down a hall.

I never looked back to my little room,
It was far behind me now.
Just a speck in the distance,
To hard to even see.

The darkness and I walked,
Further, further away from my bright little room.
I got to know them a bit better,
They said they wanted to be friends.
Of course, I trusted them.

But I told the darkness that I had to get back,
I told them that I needed my room.
But their grasp became stronger,
My hand turned red and bruised.

They whispered to me,
Saying they were alone.
They missed having someone around,
And I pitied the darkness.
So...I stayed with them longer.

They stopped in front of a door,
They told me this was a better place,
Better than my old little room.
They opened the door,
And the smell rushed over me.

Mildew and mold crawled the walls,
The roof leaked and bowed inward.
The floor was half gone,
Eaten away by termites.

The darkness told me,
"This is my home".
I trusted them, and walked in,
Still holding their hand.

Suddenly their grasp on my hand hardened,
The darkness turned on me and grinned.
They started to shrink,
Soaking into my skin.

My arms bubbled and my stomach burned,
My head throbbed and my eyes went black.
I coughed and scratched my neck,
Choking on the darkness,
That possessed me.

The process was done,
I was no longer me.
I was one with the darkness,
One with the greed.

I knew things I didn't before,
My eyes were unsheilded to the world.
I wasn't protected in those blankets of mine,
My innocence was gone,
And I was alone,
In this mildewing room...of mine.


Respuesta :

Dam, goldie. When did you write this? Kinda dark for you, lol. Where did my innocent lil goldie go?

Complete honesty: Do.pe as heII. You know me, I love this kind of dark stuff. But, it does need some work on the flow. I think the commas throw things off and maybe add a tiny bit more rhyming. I noticed some lines rhymed and others didn't. Other than that it's friggen awesome. Keep the poetry coming, Goldie. It's good.