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what does the writer want to convey by saying this to her ?

[ novel : a myst of life ] [ 4 marks ]

" i wish i could have been frank with you to say what i have long been wanted to, but the way you react makes it hard for me to say it and now you aren't here anyway. guess its better to just say good bye ? you don't trust me at all, neither do you understand me, vice versa is also true, maybe i never understood your composure as well and the reason why you are like that. " ​